To Whom it May Concern,
I have hesitated to write this letter, for a few reasons, I believe the person at fault is a manager of the store, so I am not expecting anything to be done, but I would appreciate sharing this information with any of the employees, so further comments will not be made. And secondly my sweet husband went into the store to make a complaint already this morning, but at the urging of my family I write this.
I was present at the Ladies Night on Saturday April 5th. I have been coming with my mom and sisters for several years to participate and have always enjoyed myself, it has become a tradition for my family. But on Saturday night, there was an extremely hurtful comment made, and I know I am not the only one who was deeply offended.
Towards the end of the night, the store employee, who I believe is a manager got up and instead of drawing a name for a book on Motherhood, decided to find the woman who had the most children. I agree, give a book to a mother who has self-lessly given of herself to raise her family! This did not bother me. It was how this employee decided to define a mother. She asked for the woman who had delivered the most children, stating, “not adopted, not foster, not your husbands kids, YOUR OWN KIDS that came from your own body.”
Let me explain why I was so offended, you see six months ago after 5 ½ years of trying to conceive my husband and I were blessed by the miracle of adoption. We finalize her adoption on the 13th and will have her sealed to us on April 18th in the Salt Lake Temple. I was so hurt because of the “YOUR OWN KIDS” statement. I believe whole heartedly that my daughter is “my own.” She was meant to be in our family, and I know I was meant to be her mother. I do not believe this employee was trying to be offensive, or hurtful, but I do believe this person knows nothing about adoption and should be enlightened. I know I was not the only person offended that night, one of the first winners of the drawing that night was a woman in my ward who was placed with her daughter 3 weeks after I was placed with mine. They also finalize this month. Not to mention my mom and sisters who were stunned as the words came out.
Let me end by quoting from a book that is carried by Deseret Book. A few years ago I was desperately looking for a book on infertility from the church (they are few and far between). I found a book in your store by Krista Ralston Oaks titled Fertile in Our Faith. In it she compares a adoption to a family reunion. She says, “Some came to the reunion by car. Some came by airplane. Some came by train. What mattered was who, not how they came. The plan by which our child came to our family was the right plan…” (pg. 46) After reading those words, I decided to let go of the hopes I had to become pregnant and to embrace the miracle of adoption. Being pregnant does not make you a mother. Praying so fervently for a child, waking up for a midnight feeding, bathing and teaching her to clap when she’s happy and fold her arms when she prays, that is what makes a mother.
I hope this gives a little insight to adoption, and that these children belong to their parents, despite the fact that they did not come from their mother’s bodies. Thank you.