Expect a Miracle

Sometimes my heart hurts...

2011-06-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

No pictures today... just a little therapy for me I guess. So back in January I got a phone call from my doctor, Dr. B. You know the one who called me August 21, 2008 to tell me about Ellie's birthmother. He told me he had another woman looking to place her baby. Keep in mind Dr. B has only been involved in 2 adoptions up until this point. One when he first started practicing and Ellie's 25ish years later. This isn't something he does. Anyways, we took in a profile for the birthmother to look at and we waited. A few weeks later we found out she had narrowed it down to us and one other family. More waiting, and the first part of April I got another phone call from Dr. B telling me that he didn't think this birthmother was still considering us. She had been given more families to consider and it looked like we were out. We never heard anything after that... the baby girl was due in May.

I had a hard time, but truthfully, I knew the day Dr. B called me in January that she wasn't our baby. I wanted it so bad that I let myself get excited and hopeful... but deep down I knew how it would end.

Now what I have to say I feel like I need to explain... whenever I hear someone is pregnant I NEVER think "oh I wish they weren't pregnant." That isn't how infertility works... I cry and feel bad not because I'm wishing away someone else's happiness, I just wish it could be us too. Since this baby girl went home with her family, whoever they are... it seems that everyone is pregnant, some pregnant and adopting at the same time! I'm so happy for all of our family and friends that are expecting, no matter how their children are coming to them. I guess it's just been a constant reminder of everything I have no control over. It just makes my heart hurt. We're putting our papers in again, it's just a matter of timing. For months I've been saying I was ready to start the process again, but a few weeks ago Jeremy told me he was ready to start. I had never asked him in the months before, I just assumed he was because I was. Real good wife... I know!! Anyways now that we're both on the same page we can move forward. Please keep us in your thoughts... this is a brutal process, and a reminder of all the insecurities you have about yourself.

After all of that I love being Ellie's mom. She says everyday, several times a day, "I wuv you mom, I choose you." (The "I choose you" part comes from the end of the movie Aladdin. She heard it once and tells me all the time. I LOVE it.) I love that munchkin more than I can say. She makes me want to be better and I adore her. She talks to me all time and most of the time she says something to crack me up. She's my little sidekick, I'm so lucky she "chose" me.

Next post will have pictures and hopefully an adoption update!

2 going on 20!

2011-03-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Only 2 years old... but she LOVES mom's make-up!!

Add this is what happens when she's alone long enough for me to go to the bathroom....

Some Pictures

2010-12-27T17:23:00.000-08:00

Christmas at Grandma's

All of Ellie's cousins on my side of the family

Ellie and Santa Clause... hmmm, he looks familiar

Building our gingerbread house

Us at Thanksgiving

Halloween

Feeding ducks at the park over the summer

At grandma and grandpa Hill's house

It's been soooo long...

2010-12-27T16:48:00.000-08:00

Hello friends! Well, as promised here is an update on our family! Now that we have a computer and the internet again I'm back to blogging! I have to admit though, I didn't miss the internet as much as I thought I would, I missed being able to keep in touch with people, but not the distraction the internet was getting to be in my life. Enough of that... on with the update! A week after our computer crashed we finalized Ellie's adoption and on April 18, 2009 we were sealed to her in the Salt Lake Temple (pictures on that to come). It was amazing, we were surrounded by our family and friends, and Ellie's birthmother and her family. What a wonderful day it was! Hard to believe it was almost 2 years ago!

Ellie has grown up so fast, she is talking like crazy and into everything. She's shoved tissue, cereal, scrambled eggs, and a hair elastic up her nose! She's spilled nail polish, foundation, lotion, toothpaste, juice and others all over my poor carpet! But... she is very sweet and loving, polite, and girly. She loves to have bows in her hair,wear 'lip' and have her nails painted! Oh how I love her!!! She turned 2 in September and we are beginning potty training, any tips would be appreciated!

Another chapter in our family is about to begin. We've decided the time has come to put our papers in for another baby. We've been feeling like it's time, although I must admit the emotional rollercoaster ride scares me. I feel like there's another baby close, like I did before Ellie was born, so I know it's time, it's just a draining process for me. But it will all be worth it to find our baby. So, there will be more on that as we begin the paperwork!

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

Hello again! I realize it's been forever since I posted, we have been living without the internet since April of 2009, but today Jeremy gave me a new computer and the internet!! YAY!!! So I will be updating this week! Hope everyone has had a very Merry Christmas!!!!

What do you think?

2009-04-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, I think this letter to Deseret Book explains itself. I cannot believe some people, and if I don't stand up for adoption who will?

To Whom it May Concern,

I have hesitated to write this letter, for a few reasons, I believe the person at fault is a manager of the store, so I am not expecting anything to be done, but I would appreciate sharing this information with any of the employees, so further comments will not be made. And secondly my sweet husband went into the store to make a complaint already this morning, but at the urging of my family I write this.

I was present at the Ladies Night on Saturday April 5th. I have been coming with my mom and sisters for several years to participate and have always enjoyed myself, it has become a tradition for my family. But on Saturday night, there was an extremely hurtful comment made, and I know I am not the only one who was deeply offended.

Towards the end of the night, the store employee, who I believe is a manager got up and instead of drawing a name for a book on Motherhood, decided to find the woman who had the most children. I agree, give a book to a mother who has self-lessly given of herself to raise her family! This did not bother me. It was how this employee decided to define a mother. She asked for the woman who had delivered the most children, stating, “not adopted, not foster, not your husbands kids, YOUR OWN KIDS that came from your own body.”

Let me explain why I was so offended, you see six months ago after 5 ½ years of trying to conceive my husband and I were blessed by the miracle of adoption. We finalize her adoption on the 13th and will have her sealed to us on April 18th in the Salt Lake Temple. I was so hurt because of the “YOUR OWN KIDS” statement. I believe whole heartedly that my daughter is “my own.” She was meant to be in our family, and I know I was meant to be her mother. I do not believe this employee was trying to be offensive, or hurtful, but I do believe this person knows nothing about adoption and should be enlightened. I know I was not the only person offended that night, one of the first winners of the drawing that night was a woman in my ward who was placed with her daughter 3 weeks after I was placed with mine. They also finalize this month. Not to mention my mom and sisters who were stunned as the words came out.

Let me end by quoting from a book that is carried by Deseret Book. A few years ago I was desperately looking for a book on infertility from the church (they are few and far between). I found a book in your store by Krista Ralston Oaks titled Fertile in Our Faith. In it she compares a adoption to a family reunion. She says, “Some came to the reunion by car. Some came by airplane. Some came by train. What mattered was who, not how they came. The plan by which our child came to our family was the right plan…” (pg. 46) After reading those words, I decided to let go of the hopes I had to become pregnant and to embrace the miracle of adoption. Being pregnant does not make you a mother. Praying so fervently for a child, waking up for a midnight feeding, bathing and teaching her to clap when she’s happy and fold her arms when she prays, that is what makes a mother.

I hope this gives a little insight to adoption, and that these children belong to their parents, despite the fact that they did not come from their mother’s bodies. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Jenny Hill

Time for an update and BIG news!!!!

2009-03-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

Jeremy's 30th birthday was on March 17th!!! He was a little stressed about being 30, so I threw him a little surprise birthday party! We had soooo much fun, thanks to all who came, he had no idea!!! (I can't find the rest of the pictures, so this will have to do!)

We took my sister-in-law to the MTC yesterday! What a wonderful experience. I'm sure going to miss Kristi... I mean Sister Hurd, but I know she is going to be an incredible missionary! The people in Houston, TX are going to be blessed to know her!

Finally, our most exciting update!!!! We have completed all of our paperwork, and had our last home visit, and we are set to finalize Ellie's adoption on April 13th! And more importantly, Ellie will be sealed to us on April 18th in the Salt Lake Temple!! I can't believe it's already here, Ellie has been such a sweet miracle! She rolls all over the place now, and she is starting to give kisses! She grabs my face with her little hands and comes at me with an open mouth! Ohhhh, I looooove it! She is the sweetest baby. How blessed we are to have her!

We had our last home visit last night and our case worker asked me how I was bonding with Ellie and to describe our relationship. As an adoptive mother it's hard to describe your feelings to people who haven't adopted. Before we had Ellie I wondered if I would love a baby that was not "biologically" ours as much as I would a baby that was born into our family. It's a very real concern for adoptive couples, but like I told our case worker, Ellie belongs to us, she was meant to be in our family. I don't question that she is my daughter and I know that she is loved every bit as much as any child that may or may not come to us "biologically." She is such a lucky girl to have not only our family that love her, but a whole birth family that love her also! She is definitely a loved little girl!

Pay It Forward

2009-02-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

Pay It Forward Exchange is based on the concept of the movie "Pay it forward". I will send a hand made gift to the first FIVE people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and posted out 'sometime within the next year'. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive! What you need to do in return, is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This Exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ONTO YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO FIVE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG. I'd love for you to join me! Will you? Other comments are welcome, but only the first five will be my Pay It Forward recipients. Who doesn't love free loot?

I won the PIF Exchange on my college roomie, Dana's blog! So fun!!! Hopefully I'll come up with something amazing to make and send to the first 5!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2009-02-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

Ellie started rolling over this week, she is getting so big! I just can't get enough of her!!! What a loved baby girl!!!

6th Anniversary!!!

2009-02-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

Today is our anniversary so I thought I'd post a few things I love about Jeremy!

1. He is such a sweet daddy to Ellie.

2. He changes diapers without complaint!

3. He gets up with Ellie in the mornings when he's home so I can sleep in, which means he never gets to!

4. After 6 years he still opens my car door... I love it!

5. He runs to the store for me last minute when I forget something for dinner, or need a diet coke!

6. He is such a good cook!

7. He does the laundry, I hate doing it... although I'm trying to keep up on it more now that I'm home more!!

8. He rubs my feet when I get into bed.

9. He loves to mow our lawn, I love that he takes pride in our yard!

10. He works his guts out to take care of our little family!

11. He watches chick flicks with me, and I think he somewhat enjoys them!

12. He has never blamed me for our infertility... it's always been "our infertility"

13. He comes to the doctor with me because I hate to go alone.

14. He paints my toenails... and they look pretty good!

15. He always puts me first, always.

16. He honors his priesthood.

17. He loves my family.

18. He goes shopping and buys me clothes that fit perfectly! ( Note: I'm not with him when he does this!!)

19. He sings to Ellie--- I love it.

20. He keeps my car clean.

21. He let's me cut his hair, even when I've ruined it before!

22. He kisses me goodbye in the mornings before he leaves for work.

23. He has given me a Mother's Day present every year, even though I wasn't a mother... yet.

24. He sold all of his guns before we got married, cause they made me nervous.

25. I love how he smells... delish!

26. He cried on our wedding day... I loved it! :)

27. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday.

28. He doesn't care that I'm ChuBbY!

29. He let's me sleep with the fan on in our bedroom, even when he's freezing.

30. He likes my cooking.

31. He let me paint our bedroom how I wanted... and the rest of the house!

32. He supports me in my calling (young women's presidency)

33. His laugh

34. His hands

35. His eyes

36. He holds my hand whenever we go out.

37. He loves my curly hair. ( He was the first guy to like my hair better curly rather than straight.)

38. He's patient

39. He's very optimistic

40. He doesn't worry like I do--- very good for me!!!

41. He let me put acrylic on his nails when I was in school, so I could graduate sooner!!! That's love!!!!

42. He's supportive of my interests.

43. He encourages me to try new things.

44. He adores our dog- he has a soft spot for animals.

45. I love the way he sleeps with his mouth open! Haha

46. The way I fit perfectly on his shoulder when we go to bed.

47. That we agree on politics--- NO OBAMA (sorry we don't support anyone who's pro-choice!- that's another post...)

48. That we laugh at ourselves ALL THE TIME... we think we're hilarious!

49. How he looks in his suit... YUM!

50. He knows me better than I know myself.

51. Kinda gross!!!!-- He always holds my hair back when I throw up!

52. His amazing memory.

53. He can quote movies after seeing them once.

54. He makes me better.

55. He is good to his family.

56. I love the way he randomly gets in the mood to clean!

57. His love of the gospel.

58. His work ethic.

59. His desire for me to be a stay at home mom.

60. He adores me... and every girl deserves to be ADORED!!!!

To my love, you are my best friend and I have loved being married to you. I love you more and more everyday. You have spoiled me beyond belief, I don't know what I did to be so blessed to have you as my husband!! 6 years down... eternity to go!!!

Ellie

2009-01-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

Ellie is getting so big! She's 4 months already, I can't believe it! She is such a happy baby, she smiles and giggles all the time, I just love my girl!!!!!

My Love!!

2009-01-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

Our 6th anniversary is on Sunday, so I thought I'd do this hubby tag:

How long have you been together?  6 1/2 years, married for 6 on Sunday!
How long did you date? 4 months
How old is he? 29, almost 30! WOW!!!
Who eats more? Depends, I get the munchies more often!!
Who said "I love you" first?  He did, on the phone. My reply... thank you!! HAHAHAHA Sure did, I said "thank you"
Who is taller?  Jeremy
Who sings better? When he's on key... it's equal!!
Who is smarter? Jeremy is very common sense smart, and he has an incredible memory, I am more book smart.
Who does the laundry? Jeremy does, although now that I'm home with Ellie, I'm trying to stay on top of it!!
Who does the dishes? Me most of the time, but Jeremy helps a lot!

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do.
Who pays the bills? Jeremy
Who mows the lawn? Jeremy, but I prune the bushes, pull the weeds, and sweep the walk!
Who cooks dinner? Both of us-- Jeremy's a REALLY good cook!!
Who is more stubborn? UH... me, hands down! (Shocker I know! Hahaha)
Who kissed who first? Jeremy kissed me.
Who asked who out? We were set up on a blind date, but he called me first, and set up our date.
Who proposed? Jeremy, I made him wait for a while though till I was ready!
Who is more sensitive? Me
Who has more friends? Jeremy is friends with all my friend's husbands! So about equal!!
Who has more siblings? We both have 5.
Who wears the pants in the relationship? Uh, depends!!
Who are you tagging? Whoever!

Holiday Update!!

2009-01-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful Christmas this year! Here's a few pictures! The first one is Ellie in her Christmas dress. She was really tired after church, can you tell?!!

These are Ellie's cousins on my side of the family. Jaxon and Peyton. Peyton was born December 16th. So cute!!

Peyton and Ellie on Christmas Eve in their matching outfits from my Aunt Melyn.

Christmas morning at our house. The last 5 years I've asked for a baby for Christmas, and this year I got her! So I put a bow on Ellie and stuck her under the tree!!! Hahaha-- best present EVER!!!!!!!

This is Ellie and one of her cousins on the Hill side on Christmas Day. Ellie and Taya are only a week apart! So cute!!!!

My whole family at the Crapo Party! We're all here! It was so much fun to have Sara and Brandon here from Ohio!

And the last few are Ellie with some of her new toys from Christmas!

This last one is my favorite! I love the look on her face!!!

What a blessing Ellie has been! She is getting so big and we can't wait for 2009. We'll finalize Ellie's adoption and have her sealed to us... CAN'T WAIT!

Merry Christmas!!!!

2008-12-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!! I just thougt I'd send out a Christmas greeting because my Christmas cards are not going to get done! Instead I'll be sending out a card after we finalize Ellie's adoption and are sealed to her this spring. We are doing well and have been so blessed this past year with our sweet baby girl. We love her to pieces!!

P.S. Isn't Santa good lookin'???? Heehee

I Am So THANKFUL!!!

2008-11-28T01:47:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I thought I'd post a few things that I've been thankful for this past year...

1-Ellie Maxine, our beautiful miracle baby, she has brought more joy than I ever knew was possible!

2-Rachel, our sweet birthmother and friend. LOTS OF LOVE!!

3-Jeremy, for bring such an amazing husband, and working so hard for our family, he is the love of my life and my best friend.

4-My mom, she really stepped in to help when we we only had days to get ready fo Ellie and I was in a panic!

5-My sisters, for coming over and cleaning my house, and watching Ellie so I can lay down!

6-Sara, for coming from Ohio to see our baby and making me the CUTEST diaper bag and quilt for Ellie!

7-Our sweet neighbors and ward members who took such good care of us when Ellie came.

8-Our friends... we are so blessed with great friends!!! Enough said!! :)

9-Our health.

10-Jeremy's job: you never realize how blessed you are until you have to go without it, 8 months of unemployment this year.... we are so GRATEFUL for our EMPLOYMENT!!

11-My sweet grandma BUB, losing her this year was one of the hardest times for me, but I am so grateful for her legacy and that my daughter can carry on her name.

12-Our house.

13-My dog. Funny how attached infertile people get to their pets. Yes, I talk to her and she has been my baby for the past three years!! Hahahaha-- ok bring on the crazy pet lover comments!

14-My king size bed!

15-The Christmas season that is finally here!!!

Oh goodness, I have so much! Up until Ellie came into our family, this year was going down in our books as the worst year ever, but it's amazing how a tiny baby can turn everything around! Ellie has been so fun, I love being her mom. I understand now when people say that being a mom is the hardest yet the best thing you can do, I love it! Ellie is starting to coo and grin whenever she looks at us, and everytime it makes my heart melt. Oh how I love my baby girl!!!

Our First Family Pictures!!

2008-11-13T21:08:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we went to Pleasant Grove to get some pictures done with Ellie. My cousin Mandi is starting a photography business, and these are a few of the beautiful pictures she took! To see the rest go to her blog at nuttsphotography.blogspot.com. She does beautiful work, and I must say it helps that we have such a beautiful baby! Ellie is smiling a lot more, and she's finally getting some rolls!! She has been such a blessing, I just love her to pieces! Isn't she soooo cute?!?!?!!!

It's been a month!!!

2008-10-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

Ellie is just over a month old and is getting so big!! She is more alert and she focuses on our faces a lot more! She has been such a blessing, we love her soooo much!

My sister Sara came to visit this past week from Ohio. I was so happy she was able to come see Ellie! We had so much fun! I had three baby showers while she was here. It was so good to see my family and friends. Everyone has been so kind! Thank you everyone!!! My sister Rachel was able to come down from BYU-Idaho for the weekend too.

We finally got Ellie's bedroom painted! I'm still working on getting her room put together and organized, but I love how her crib looks!!

And finally, I took a few pictures of her cute hands and feet!!

I love being a mom, I'm learning lots, but I love my sweet baby girl so much!!!

Baby Ellie!

2008-10-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

Ellie has been such a blessing! She's more alert during the day now... and at night! I'm still getting used to the nighttime feedings and her being wide awake. Good thing I have my sweet husband who takes a turn at night, and a good mom who has been a lot of help. Here's some of my favorite pictures of Ellie from the past two weeks. This first one is my favorite of her!!! She's such a happy baby!

And I love this pink bow!!!!!!

Skinny little thing!!

Ellie and my dad

Pretty girl!!

Nice Shades!!

Bath Time

Wide Awake

Ellie and Daddy

Ellie and Mommy

We took Ellie in for her two week check-up. She was 5 lbs. and 13 oz. and 19 inches long. She's still a peanut, but she's growing! We just love her!!!

...and then there were three...

2008-09-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'd like to introduce the blogging world to our sweet baby girl Ellie Maxine! She was born on September 22nd at 4:42 pm. She weighed 5 lbs. 5 oz. and is 18 inches long! I got a phone call from Rachel's mom on Monday around 11 am saying that Rachel's water had broken during the night and they were at the hospital. Rachel had invited us to be there during the delivery... amazing I know! So I called my mom hysterical that I wasn't ready and I needed some help! We weren't expecting Ellie until next week and I was a bit overwhelmed. My sweet mom reassured me that we were ready and to enjoy every minute. When we got to the hospital we met Rachel's parents and her younger brother and sister. What an amazing family she has!! We loved meeting them and spending some time with them. As the day progressed Rachel was given her epidural and then she started on pit. During that time when they checked Rachel we found out that instead of crowning Ellie was trying to look out... face first. After a bit it was determined that Rachel would have to deliver with a c-section. Rachel was not excited about the idea, but Jeremy and her dad gave her a sweet blessing. How incredible that Jeremy was able to be part of that.

Now what happened next was the most spiritual and amazing blessing of my life. Rachel was told that she could only take one person with her to deliver Ellie. Jeremy and I were out in the hall and when I came back in Rachel's mom told me that Rachel had asked that I be the one to go with her! I cannot describe how honored I was. Rachel had her sister and her mom there that could have gone with her, I certainly was not expecting it. It all happened quickly for me... I'm sure not for Rachel, but suddenly I was being escorted to surgery in my scrubs and all. I sat and held Rachel's hand and watched as she brought our baby girl into the world... yes I watched them pull Ellie out!! I don't know how to describe what that was like to be holding the hand of the bravest woman I know as she gave birth to my baby! I've been crying a lot... and that memory will stay in the most sacred part of my soul.

Ellie was a bit swollen after she came out, but I was amazed at how fast it went away! Isn't she beautiful?!! Rachel was so sweet every step of the way, she let me hold and love her. She told me several times that she knew this was right, and that we are her parents. It's an amazing act of love and faith on her part. I am proud to have her as Ellie's birth mother. By the way--- she looks fantastic for having just had a baby.

Because of the c-section Rachel was supposed to be in the hospital for at least three days, but today we found out that Rachel was ready to go home and we could come get Ellie!! We rushed and picked up a few things and put together a basket for Rachel and her daughter Alice. Nothing we could ever do will even come close to repay her for the gift of being parents, but we tried to be thoughtful!

We love Rachel so much, I've been asked by several people about the kind of relationship we will have now that Ellie is home with us. Rachel and I have a one of a kind bond. I feel connected to her like no one else in my life, and I felt it the first time we talked. Her and I will be life-long friends, I look up to her for her courage and faith, she has been an amazing example of being Christ-like. Ohhh how we love our Rachel!!

There is soooo much more to our story. So many tiny miracles that brought Rachel into our lives and then Ellie. We love her soooo much, she is such a sweet baby. We're home and I just hope I can be a good mommy to her!!

MIRACLES HAPPEN!!!!

2008-09-18T01:18:00.000-07:00

Miracles happen, and a miracle happened today! Let me back up to 4 weeks ago. I got a phone call from my OB/GYN, or should I say my previous OB/GYN. I haven't seen him for over two years due to a change in our insurance. He called and said "Jenny, I have a young woman who is looking to place her baby for adoption and I thought of you. Are you interested?" Uh... my response... YES!! Lots of prayers and fasting, crying, and more prayers!

Fast forward two weeks, we met the first half of our miracle. Her name is Rachel, and she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She is beautiful, selfless, incredible, an angel, our miracle. I never thought I would love and adore someone I just met, but I do. She is everything I could have asked for in a birth mother, everything. And even more than that, I feel like I have known her forever, and I think I have. She is a blessing, our miracle.

Fast forward to today. I got the phone call of a lifetime, it was Rachel, she told me I'm going to be a MOMMY!!! What do you say to someone who is going to make you a mom? "Thank you" seems insincere, "I'm so grateful" is not enough, I'm still working on what words have been created to express the most grateful depths of my soul. Our baby girl is coming, did I mention it's a girl?!!! And she's coming in 12 days, I guess now since it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep out of so many emotions, it's closer to 11 days. Rachel is going to be induced on September 29th. We are naming the baby Ellie Maxine, after my sweet grandma Bub. Ellie is coming, and I can't wait to meet the second half of our miracle!!!!

To Rachel, if you read this, LOTS OF LOVE!!!

Our Bedroom... and Girl's Camp!

2008-08-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm going to start with our bedroom. We finished it in the wee hours of the morning on my birthday! Hooray!! That's the one thing I really wanted! I still don't have anything on the walls yet, I'm trying to find a mirror for the wall across from our bed, and I'm still not sure what to put above our bed. I hesitate to put anything above my head that could fall and dent it in the night! Maybe a wreath of some sort? Send me any ideas if anyone has them.

So there's the final prep... and ta-da!!!! Here's the finished product! YEA!!

I have to say the colors look much better in person, the camera doesn't do the walls justice, and it makes the shades look drastically different, but you get the idea. I love it though!

Now on to girl's camp... I'm the 1st Counselor in the Young Women's in our ward, so I got to go to girl's camp for the first time since I was a Laurel. It was so much fun, we have a tiny group of girls, but it was great! We went on a hike to Minnetonka Cave in Bear Lake, yeah, 888 stairs. It was quite the hike, but very worth it!

If you look really close at this picture, you can see our girls down at the bottom of this set of stairs. I was at the top heading down, we'd already come up this set, I tell you, it was straight up and down!!

Our girls in front of our nice cabin! It was fabulous, the leaders all had beds! Nice eh?! My next project is my now craft room, the one day baby room. I hope to have it done before I start preschool up again on September 3rd! Hopefully we will have our adoption papers done by Halloween, that's the new goal!!! Let's hope there's no more hang-ups!

Home Improvements!

2008-07-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, here's a few projects we've been working on. And one in progress! I'll take some more pictures of our living and family rooms, they look so much better now, but I didn't have any on my camera. We are doing great, Jeremy's working on studying for his insurance test, and I'm getting ready for girl's camp in a few weeks. Our adoption paperwork is slowly coming, hopefully soon... it's so hard waiting! I know it will happen when it's supposed to, and that we will be better prepared, that we are still young... I've heard it all.... but our 5 year mark of trying to have our family is creeping up this fall and I'm ready to be done!!! Ok, enough venting, enjoy the pictures!

So I thought I'd start with a room that's finished. Our upstairs bathroom was baby pink, so this is the new bathroom with a more bathroom appropriate color!

This is my kitchen... a little cluttered with plants I'm trying reeeeally hard not to kill!

Again, a plant I'm trying to keep alive. And a ceiling fan, that needs to be replaced!!! Sooo, not quite done, but you get the idea!

I really love this shelf in my kitchen!

Ok, this is a bit embarrassing, please ignore the unmade bed!!!! This is our bedroom, with all it's wallpaper glory!!!! Now the wallpaper is off, but we are trying to get the glue off the walls so we can paint! The goal is to have it done by my birthday a week from Friday! Hopefully--- it'd be a great present to have it finished and our room back to normal!

Finally a NEW POST!!!

2008-06-22T16:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know it's been a long time since I've posted. I've been getting harassed by a lot of people, so I'm back. I guess I've waited so long to post because quite honestly, our life has been a mess since Jeremy lost his job, so I haven't had anything good to report... but it looks like things are finally turning up for us. Jeremy has finally started working, not for New York Life, (that job ended up falling through :( ) but he is selling auto and home owners insurance, with a guy that my sister Katie and her husband know. He just started last week, and we are praying that this is a great opportunity for us. I must say that we have been so blessed through all of this. We have had a lot going on in our lives, and we have truly seen the Lord's hand at work.

With all of the extra time Jeremy has had, our lawn has never looked better, and our storage space has never been more organized!! We finally got our basement painted, and our upstairs bathroom. I'm trying to decorate the basement, and I'm working on getting my craft room done, that will one day be a baby room. It's in desperate need of paint... and carpet, but the paint will have to do for now! I'll be posting some pictures soon of what we've done. My sister Sara has requested it, seeing as how she's not close enough to come over! I promise I'll be better about posting, now that life is getting back to normal, we'll be able to get our paperwork done and approved, hopefully by the end of the summer!

Quick Update...

2008-03-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been getting harassed that I haven't posted for a long time! Let me update everyone on what has been going on. First of all, we finished our classes at the end of February. A week after we finished our classes Jeremy lost his job. We had heard that is was a possibility, so he started looking, but it happened a lot sooner than we expected. It has been a hard 2008 for us, but losing his job has been a blessing in disguise. Losing our job, means losing insurance, and losing insurance means the adoption has been put on hold. We are still working on our paperwork, but we can't be approved until we have insurance... ahhhh!!!!! The good news is, we have a job pending! Jeremy has been offered a job working for New York Life as an insurance agent. I say pending because he has to get his insurance license before he can be put on payroll. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks he'll have it and can start working. The best part of the job is that the insurance will start the first day of employment!!!! None of this 90 day waiting period! What a blessing! I must say it has been a hard year for us, but things are looking better!

Our Classes...

2008-02-08T23:22:00.001-08:00

Well it's been a few weeks since my last post. Our classes started on the 17th of January. They have been amazing. Last night we had the birth parent panel, and we were able to bring our family and friends. They started the night explaining a little about the adoption process, and about the importance of using the correct terminology. Such as... when a birth mother chooses a couple she "places" her baby, not she "gave up" her baby. Just a few things to help our families understand adoption. Then they introduced a birth mother who placed her baby a few months ago. It was amazing, truly. I've never felt the Spirit like I did last night. This whole process has been so emotional, feeling like you are being judged on every aspect of your life. Your finances, marriage, relationships with your family, your job, your looks... everything. But last night I realized again, that we are supposed to adopt. Despite the emotions, and the heartache, we are supposed to do this. So a little update on where we are at... we have 2 more classes left, and some more paperwork. We've made a dent in it, but only a dent!! We're picking away at it, but there's a lot!

Just a little side note, I had a comment by someone I've never met, Lila. I couldn't find her blog to comment, but we are going through LDS Family Services in Utah. I have researched a lot of different agencies and would love to chat more!

"BUB"

2008-01-17T21:17:00.000-08:00

So I know it's been a while since I posted anything new. The past few weeks have been crazy, and emotional. Let me start by re-capping. As part of our adoption, we have to provide references, and only one can be a relative. Jeremy and I decided to ask my grandma, who is affectionately called Bub, if she would be our reference. We asked her after Thanksgiving Dinner and it was quite an experience when she replied, "I'd love to, this is so special, I'm honored" with tears in her eyes. She excitedly asked when the papers would arrive every time we saw her. Finally they arrived on January 5th just one short day before she very unexpectedly passed away. My sweet Bub spent part of her last morning, from what I have been told, working on our reference letter. A notebook was found with her unmistakable perfect handwriting where she wrote out each question and thoughtfully began to answer. It was so sweet to read how she described Jeremy, she loved him, maybe more than me!

I miss and love her so much, but I feel very strongly that she is still playing a vital role in this process for us, she was so excited for us to start our family through adoption and I know she's still very aware of our desire to have children. Some have commented that she probably decided to handle things on the other side, rather than wait for them to happen here. Probably so...

First Interview

2007-12-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

Well, we had our first interview today at 3:30 with our caseworker Amber. Things went great! She asked us questions about us, our jobs, basic getting to know you stuff. She also went over the process of getting our paperwork done. It looks like we will be able to have our profile approved by the first of March, which is pretty quick! We had lots of questions, but we feel really good about our decision. When everything was done, she asked us if we wanted to continue with adoption. Of course we said yes, so we filled out our paperwork for our background check and we paid our down payment. So it's official!! We have more paperwork to start filling out, and medical check-ups to get done, and our classes start on January 17th. It's exciting, but I feel overwhelmed! It's been an emotional few days, and I hope we can get this done quickly. Amber told us the average wait is 18 months to 2 years. Oh... that makes my heart hurt!! We are praying it won't take that long!

Getting Started

2007-11-29T23:44:00.000-08:00

Hello Family and Friends!!

I'm still trying to figure out how to do all this, but I really want to start documenting our adoption process! Jeremy and I after four years of wanting to start our family have decided to put our adoption papers in! Hooray!!! Our fifth anniversary is quickly approaching, and we have decided it is time to adopt to get our family here. About a week and a half ago we got our first few papers, which we turned in on Monday. Today we were assigned our case worker, and we have our first interview with her on December 13th. The process of just getting to be an approved couple will probably take until the end of February... at least that's the goal, it could take longer. We have a lot of paperwork, home studies, interviews, classes, and did I mention a lot of paperwork!?!? Then we wait... we know there are children that are supposed to come to us. So I'll be documenting our journey to get them here.

I have an amazing book called "Fertile in our Faith" by Krista Ralston Oaks, the way she describes adoption makes me cry every time I read it. She compares adoption to a family reunion, some come to the reunion by train, some fly, some drive, some walk, what matters is who not how they come. So... here we go!